Tuesday, 4 August 2015

moments of self reflection ... mmm .. probably a bit deep !

so ...  now back in tokyo .. and spending the evening hotel bound, rearranging flights etc ... to head back to Mel | Sydney next week ...  interviews and to help someone out, before looking at heading back to the UK.  Off to Mt Fuji tomorrow and a soak in the Hakone onsens ... for a couple of days before heading back via Manila and Singapore for a couple of days ..
I spent the strangest but oddly very rewarding couple of days in Kyoto at Geisha training.  An experience very few people would be able to do.  I was sceptical at first, as the folk that introduced me, I met at Lawsons, (grocery store in Japan) but it turned out to be a reality.  It takes around 6 years to train as a Geisha and there are apparantley only 2 or 3 thousand left in Japan, these women are extraordinary, called living works of art it is not hard to see why.  Three days being taught many things, fom the basics, how to stand, walk, how to tip your head and communicate messages without saying anything, to the more complex, learning traditional drums, pouring tea, flower arranging, days all spent in silence (well I tried to spend it in silence) ... a geisha is supposed to be the worlds greatest host, able to converse on many topics, keep people constantly entertained, fill glasses and provide multiple elements of entertainment ... singing, dancing, playing instruments .. sounds easy right ... hell ...  surely that is the stuff I was born to do .... errrrr no ....  it was hard work ...  covered in thick makeup, multiple layers if clothes so fitting, that I could only take steps of about 3 centimetres, sleeves to the floor, my hair pulled to an inch of its life ...  the hottest week in kyoto in an age ... lucky I was taught how to demurely fan myself ... staying in a home on a bloody hard bed where it did not get lower than 27 degrees overnight ...
This trip was because I wanted to come away ... to reflect on next steps ...  I still have given no real considerations on this ... do I stay in Australia, do I head back to London, the States, the Middle East, do I do something for myself, do I work for another company .....I feel like I still need to go away for a month and sit quietly and decide ....  where do I want to live ... where should future home be ..?
I was asked today, where are you from, where is home? ...surely a simple question ... yet I could not answer it ...
what I do know now after those few reflective geisha days is this ... I spent a lot of time reflecting on the personal, family, friendships, relationships.  I dont have all the answers yet ... and maybe this is because Japan is probably the only place I wish I had travelled with someone ... someone probably more than friend (which has confused the becrappy out of me, I have not wanted a relationship for a long time).... and whilst my ovaries may have expired ... and I dont need to be married or hook up as a forever ... I think I kinda feel it might be nice to finally spend time with someone special ...  I also know ..  I have to do more for family and I have to be a better friend ... be better for those that have given and continue to give to me support regardless of how shitty I have been ...be better to those that I know I can be myself with and not be judged ...  where there is give and take through time and support,  to people who drop me funny notes, and take care of things, and put themselves out to make things better .... to those that have given more than taken ....  thank you ...
aahhhh so what does all this mean .....??  Not quite sure yet ...  before I went to Geisha school, I was having a conversation with a friend about not feeling gown up, feeling like I am constantly searching for something ... thoughts in the back of my mind ....would I ever feel complete..??  I guess all this rattled around in my head ....
which is why maybe my Geisha school made me think of the personal stuff ... that coupled with ... on the way to Geisha school ...  I also came across this ...  (see attached the Charlote Rouge cake - seriously best ever thing) ...  so I also had Moulin Rouge thoughts playing in my head .... 
so maybe ....  I think ...  in the original words of Nat King Cole - Nature Boy - "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" - is what makes things complete ...
My preferred version | quote (and where I first heard this) ...  Moulin Rouge .. shared by characters Toulouse-Lautrec (one of my favourite artists for odd reasons) and by Christian (Ewan M peformance) before he launches into the most gut wrenching song) ... is a question in the back of my mind ....
so .....I know I can love ... will I feel complete and stop searching, if I feel loved in return !?
is that what makes one feel grown up ... complete?! 
Heading off tomorrow to spend two days in the nud ... bathing with strangers ....
If you are in Pillypeans, Sinkers - see you in a couple of days .. if you are in London, UK, see you in approx 3 weeks ..
muchas lovas ...
CBT  - x

1 comment:

  1. Woah, woah hold up - you can't just wade back onto here after two years with an update and not give some prior warning! You might as well have flown directly into Bournemouth town center and shouted "I'm baaaaccckk!!" We are british, we don't like surprises.

    So Geisha training in Japan - standard! Actually that's quite surreal, not sure we would have ever expected that. Am sure it got a 'Whaaaaa' from Annie as it certainly got a 'what the holy fuck' from me. Geisha training ....Geisha training .... Geisha training, nope can't get my head round it :-)

    So you've mastered the art of pouring tea for discerning Japanese gentleman in a sensual way. Casually revealing a bit of your wrist to get their attention and incit e a mild sexual arousing within them and then pouring tea into the cup as if to say 'take me her and now over the pot you dirty dog' .... sorry got carried away there, too many movies!!!

    Seriously though, they managed to make pouring tea a sensual experience!! We British own all rights to the history of tea and we haven't thought to do that. Could you imagine it: "Want milk in that, love?" "One lump or two?" "Do you like my nice jugs?" ... I've had too many teas from Michelle in the Vista i think!

    I can only assume that before you arrive in the UK you were planning on dropping us a line and maybe arranging a little get together in London or Bournemouth? We could have a thoroughly English Cream tea ("Want milk in that love?") or just sink several cocktails in bar! Whatever the arrangement i am sure that myself and others would make ourselves available ... but will you? Go on, why not? It will be full of laughter and stories and even you, who doesn't keep in contact, would enjoy it. Be brave ... visit old friends.

    There's a lot to share: babies, jobs, houses, adventures, music recommendations, work gossip and tales of woes. Oh and babies to in case i didn't mention it ... and a lot to ask, if you are willing to tell.

    Am hoping that you decide to make contact, even if it is just a few emails but would prefer a bit of face time. Will leave it up to you. In case you don't then check out the following artists if you have not discovered them already: Lucy Rose, Gabrielle Aplin, Clare Bowen, Rae Morris, Striking Matches, Slow moving Millie.

    And remember Randall Stevens - he now goes by the name of Tom McQ. He hasn't released anything new but is still reducing everyone to tears with his beautiful songs.

    Don't die too soon.

    Daddy Craneo