so ... now back in tokyo .. and spending the evening hotel bound, rearranging flights etc ... to head back to Mel | Sydney next week ... interviews and to help someone out, before looking at heading back to the UK. Off to Mt Fuji tomorrow and a soak in the Hakone onsens ... for a couple of days before heading back via Manila and Singapore for a couple of days ..
I spent the strangest but oddly very rewarding couple of days in Kyoto at Geisha training. An experience very few people would be able to do. I was sceptical at first, as the folk that introduced me, I met at Lawsons, (grocery store in Japan) but it turned out to be a reality. It takes around 6 years to train as a Geisha and there are apparantley only 2 or 3 thousand left in Japan, these women are extraordinary, called living works of art it is not hard to see why. Three days being taught many things, fom the basics, how to stand, walk, how to tip your head and communicate messages without saying anything, to the more complex, learning traditional drums, pouring tea, flower arranging, days all spent in silence (well I tried to spend it in silence) ... a geisha is supposed to be the worlds greatest host, able to converse on many topics, keep people constantly entertained, fill glasses and provide multiple elements of entertainment ... singing, dancing, playing instruments .. sounds easy right ... hell ... surely that is the stuff I was born to do .... errrrr no .... it was hard work ... covered in thick makeup, multiple layers if clothes so fitting, that I could only take steps of about 3 centimetres, sleeves to the floor, my hair pulled to an inch of its life ... the hottest week in kyoto in an age ... lucky I was taught how to demurely fan myself ... staying in a home on a bloody hard bed where it did not get lower than 27 degrees overnight ...
This trip was because I wanted to come away ... to reflect on next steps ... I still have given no real considerations on this ... do I stay in Australia, do I head back to London, the States, the Middle East, do I do something for myself, do I work for another company .....I feel like I still need to go away for a month and sit quietly and decide .... where do I want to live ... where should future home be ..?
I was asked today, where are you from, where is home? ...surely a simple question ... yet I could not answer it ...
what I do know now after those few reflective geisha days is this ... I spent a lot of time reflecting on the personal, family, friendships, relationships. I dont have all the answers yet ... and maybe this is because Japan is probably the only place I wish I had travelled with someone ... someone probably more than friend (which has confused the becrappy out of me, I have not wanted a relationship for a long time).... and whilst my ovaries may have expired ... and I dont need to be married or hook up as a forever ... I think I kinda feel it might be nice to finally spend time with someone special ... I also know .. I have to do more for family and I have to be a better friend ... be better for those that have given and continue to give to me support regardless of how shitty I have been ...be better to those that I know I can be myself with and not be judged ... where there is give and take through time and support, to people who drop me funny notes, and take care of things, and put themselves out to make things better .... to those that have given more than taken .... thank you ...
aahhhh so what does all this mean .....?? Not quite sure yet ... before I went to Geisha school, I was having a conversation with a friend about not feeling gown up, feeling like I am constantly searching for something ... thoughts in the back of my mind ....would I ever feel complete..?? I guess all this rattled around in my head ....
which is why maybe my Geisha school made me think of the personal stuff ... that coupled with ... on the way to Geisha school ... I also came across this ... (see attached the Charlote Rouge cake - seriously best ever thing) ... so I also had Moulin Rouge thoughts playing in my head ....
so maybe .... I think ... in the original words of Nat King Cole - Nature Boy - "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" - is what makes things complete ...
My preferred version | quote (and where I first heard this) ... Moulin Rouge .. shared by characters Toulouse-Lautrec (one of my favourite artists for odd reasons) and by Christian (Ewan M peformance) before he launches into the most gut wrenching song) ... is a question in the back of my mind ....
so .....I know I can love ... will I feel complete and stop searching, if I feel loved in return !?
is that what makes one feel grown up ... complete?!
mmmmmmmmm
Heading off tomorrow to spend two days in the nud ... bathing with strangers ....
If you are in Pillypeans, Sinkers - see you in a couple of days .. if you are in London, UK, see you in approx 3 weeks ..
muchas lovas ...
CBT - x
